I had a light bulb moment this week. I had heard that a lot of women feel guilty after a miscarriage. They feel as though they may have done something that caused it. I didn’t feel that way at all after my first miscarriage.
My first pregnancy was a surprise. So yes, there was that one night of drinking too many glasses of wine before I knew I was pregnant. There were the days I did hot yoga early in the morning (and felt inexplicably tired and nauseous). There was the time I went running while on vacation. But I didn’t think any of these moments had anything to do with my loss.
Somewhere along the way, though, I learned more about my diet and that food sensitivities can cause infertility and even recurrent miscarriages.
My naturopath was the first one to suggest this and tested me for food sensitivities. Turns out, I had so many, I could barely eat anything. It was a huge adjustment for me. Some days I was strict and wouldn’t eat anything on my list. Other days, I got so frustrated that I gave up entirely. Mostly the latter.
Next it was my Chinese Medicine doctor who suggested I stick more closely to the foods I could safely eat. Then, my sister’s Chinese Medicine doctor told her that refined sugar can impact your ability to carry a baby.
After a while, it became so overwhelming that I gave up and decided that it was causing more stress on me and my body to try to avoid all these foods than it was to just eat a healthy diet.
After my third loss and six years of infertility, my husband and I decided to stop trying and focus on living a fulfilling life without children. It was right around that time that my new neighbour told me she had gotten pregnant naturally with identical twins after giving up gluten.
I remember the moment so clearly. All of a sudden there was proof in front of me that avoiding certain foods could have an effect on the baby. And a weight dropped onto my shoulders.
In that moment, I suddenly felt as though there was something I could have done to either improve my fertility or to even prevent my losses. And that was devastating.
Could I really have prevented my losses if I’d stuck to the diet all my alternative therapists recommended? We’ll never know. It was too late by that point. And it didn’t matter. I was 45 and there was no turning back.
But it did matter. We made the decision not to continue with fertility treatments 2 years ago now, but I’ve been carrying around that guilt.The wondering. What if I’d done this differently? What if I’d taken better care of my body? What if I’d tried harder?
The lightbulb went on only just recently that this guilt was affecting my ability to be truly joyful. To live the fulfilling, happy life I set out to live. I had to find a way to let it go. And I did. I’m going to tell you how, just in case you’re carrying around some of your own guilt (which, by the way, according to my Instagram poll, most women do).
Here are my 4 steps for letting go of guilt so that you can make peace with your past:
1. Use some Bergamot essential oil: Bergamot is an oil that can help you to release judgment or yourself and guilt. It helps you to return to a place of self-love. Diffuse it or rub a drop over your heart centre.
Buy it here for retail price or on your wholesale account. Want a wholesale account? Send me a note directly.
2. Identify your guilt: I tend to pick up my journal to do this. Ask yourself what guilt you’re feeling.. Write all about the emotion. Where it came from. When it first started. What happened. Ask yourself how you can forgive yourself or how you might transmute that feeling to one of love instead.
3. Meditate: if you’ve been following me at all, this one won’t surprise you! Spend a few minutes in silence, whether it’s meditation or prayer. Imagine any feelings of guilt flowing out of you and into an energy ball in front of you. Then envision handing it over to your angels, Jesus, God, the Universe. Thank the Universe for taking it off your shoulders. If you’re having trouble visualizing, I recorded a free guided meditation for you.
4. Create an affirmation: once you’ve done the initial work to identify your guilt and to release it, it can sometimes come creeping back in. Affirmations can help you to continue to feel guilt-free. Something like, “I release the guilt I’m feeling so that I may feel free” or “ I am willing to forgive myself and make peace with my past”.
You may need to repeat these steps a few times or revisit them from time to time. Feel free to come back to them anytime you uncover guilty feelings that you can’t seem to let go.
Now, if you really want to get serious about letting go, share with me in the comments, what guilt are you carrying after your miscarriage that you would like to release? I’ll leave you with that. And come back next week when I’ll be sharing 10 things you can do to find relief after a miscarriage.