Trying to conceive. Two weeks of hoping. Praying. Wondering. And then comes your period. It’s devastating, every single time.
After months of infertility, each time your period comes, it feels like a loss. I felt that grief. Over and over again. It’s different than the loss of a loved one – a single event that has a before and after. Infertility happens again and again. It has no clear beginning and can last long after you’ve finally become pregnant.
The pain of infertility is real.
Someone who hasn’t been through it, may not understand. Society has taught us that grief stems from the loss of a loved one. So how can you have grief when you haven’t lost someone?
When I was going through it, I identified what I felt as disappointment. Or maybe I downgraded it to that because it seemed ridiculous to call it grief. I didn’t even consider until much later that it was grief that I was feeling, not just disappointment.
Now I’m here to tell you – to confirm to you, because I’m sure it’s what you’re feeling too – that our understanding of grief isn’t complete. You can experience the emotion of grief after many types of hardship or trauma. A loss is not a requirement. When you’ve been trying to get pregnant for months on end, it’s the loss of a dream. The loss of the future you had envisioned. It’s the loss of faith in your body. It’s the loss of the baby you’ve been longing to meet.
I want to share with you how I’ve been able to cope with all this emotions.
Here are three actions you can take to begin coping with the grief of infertility
1. Talk about it – I believe that a common misconception is that pain goes away when we think about something else. When we keep ourselves busy. But that’s just avoiding it. Pushing it down. Pain needs to be felt in order to release it. Only THEN will you heal. So talk about it. You’ll fee most understood when you talk with someone who has been through it but that’s not a requirement, of course. If you don’t have someone you feel comfortable talking to, talk to yourself. Or write to yourself. As in my next action.
2. Write in your journal – Another way to bring the pain to the surface is to write about it. You’ll be amazed by the things that have been stirring up in your head that, once down on the paper, are startlingly clear. You’ll suddenly realize why a particular situation was bothering you or identify how to move forward on a decision.
3. Meditate – This is always my go-to. If I can’t figure out how to release a feeling, I close my eyes, put on a Reiki Healing playlist, and ask the Universe to transmute this awful feeling to love. And it always, always does.
I invite you to try one or even all of these three things and comment below on how they shifted your mindset. Even if it was only in some tiny way. If you feel you need some extra help coping, you can always, schedule an exploratory coaching call with me.