As a childless woman, you often hear that the ultimate purpose is having a baby. A female’s reason for being on earth is to procreate. We live in a pronatalist society. We’re told that having a child is a gift or a blessing. You see posts that say “she is my reason for living” This is what creates purpose. It establishes your legacy.
This is the kind of stuff that leads us childless women to believe that we live outside the circle. That we are worth less than mothers in society or that we now have to earn our worth in some other way or that we will never find purpose in the way a mother would.
I believe that is dead wrong. Think about it this way. Does every woman feel her purpose is raising her child? No. It may lead to a purpose: teaching other mothers how to breastfeed, or toilet train, or start an online business. But it isn’t a purpose in and of itself.
I know many women who have children whose purpose is to do some other work in the world. Maybe to make an impact on climate change. Right now, there are many women who are fighting for medical freedom. Some want to fight obesity or cancer or human sex trafficking.
Your purpose is the thing that you want to change about the world.
Do women have only one purpose in life? I don’t think so.
The woman who is passionate and has found purpose, for example, in supporting a sustainable environment in her free time may also have a business that helps women balance their hormones by changing their diets.
The bottom line is that childless women can lead purposeful lives without children (and mothers can as well without putting it on their children).
As a childless woman, I have been able to find purpose in three other types of births and I want to share them with you.
1. Birthing a business or a project – there are so many parallels between birthing a child and a business or a project at work. An idea is sparked and fertilized when you give it attention – the zygote. You spend days or weeks or months building it, nurturing it. And then it’s time to birth it. Birthing feels like labour. It’s hard, it takes effort, it makes you wanna scream sometimes. But there’s so much relief and love that comes when you begin to see it grow.
Is there a project you’ve been wanting to do or a business you’d like to begin?
2. Creating art – I believe that creativity comes from the same place that creating a baby comes from. Creation comes from the womb, the sacral chakra. It’s divine inspiration. You can bring healing by creating. I love this quote by Elizabeth Gilbert in Big Magic: If I’m not actively creating something, then chances are I’m probably actively destroying something – myself, a relationship or my own peace of mind.
It doesn’t have to be painting or drawing. It can be building a book shelf. It can be cooking a beautiful meal. It can be knitting a warm sweater. Even simply bringing beauty into your home or into your outfit for the day.
Is there something you could create?
3. Personal growth and healing – rebirthing yourself. This is a whole other kind of creation but it is what has brought me the most healing. I had my first miscarriage around the time that I started feeling a need for more purpose in my life. I was working an HR job that felt so blah. I wasn’t passionate about it. It didn’t feel meaningful.
When I miscarried, I started searching for meaning. Meaning in my suffering. Meaning in my life, my career. You know how when ice or glass is under pressure, it will hold, hold and hold until a tiny crack appears. And then that’s where the water begins to pour through. The crack widens until ultimately the ice breaks apart.
That’s what happens. When you put some focus and curiosity on the crack, explore, learn, dig into every wound, look at every wound as a lesson – it will ultimately break you open and that’s when you get to put the pieces back together again in a way that feels better than ever. That is rebirthing.
Are you ready to begin your rebirthing?
When you continue to focus on the birth you weren’t able to have, you stay stuck in the past, you’ll continue to be the struggling childless woman who feels inadequate and excluded.
When you focus on what you CAN create, what you are able to birth, it activates and opens your sacral chakra. You will begin to feel a sense of hope for your future and fulfillment in the present.
I would love to hear from you now. You have some food for thought here, some ways you can create in a way that brings healing to your heart. You can keep going the way you’ve been going, or you can take some action. Which of these three will you consider trying?
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