After a miscarriage, your own body can become a trigger. A constant reminder of your loss.
It can feel like your body is failing you. It feels like a betrayal. It can even feel like a cruel joke. Your breasts might still be sore, you still feel nauseous and exhausted. For some women who were further along, their milk comes in. I didn’t even know that could happen so early – even at 13 weeks!
Or, maybe you’re like me and you gained some weight in the first few weeks that is now just sitting there and you can’t get it off.
The bottom line is, that every time you see yourself in the mirror, it’s a reminder that you’re not pregnant anymore. It’s a trigger.
I know how this feels. I’ve been there.
I miscarried my first baby at 11 weeks and I had definitely gained some weight by then. And every time I looked at myself after my miscarriage, I thought, “now you have no reason to have this extra weight on”. What was, just a few days before, a beautiful growing pregnant body, became just an ugly overweight one (in my mind).
I just wanted to feel good about my body again. Good about myself again. I’ve always had some body image issues, but this was taking it to the next level.
Why are you feeling this particular pain?
- First, your body becomes a trigger reminding you of your loss. A trigger is simply a reminder of what we still need to heal. The underlying wound is already there. A trigger is just something that presses on that wound and let’s you know that it’s not healed yet.
- The second reason you might be having some ill will towards your body is that you’ve separated yourself from your body. There’s the “us and them mentality” about it. You feel contempt for your body.
I had both of these. First I needed to heal the body image issues I had from my childhood in order to heal my body-related triggers in the present.
I also needed to reconcile with my body. I needed to learn to love it, care for it and nurture it instead of hating it.
And thank goodness I was able to do that. And the more work I did, the more love I felt for my body. These days, I feel entirely different about it. It’s a work in progress, but when I did this work, the weight came off naturally without me having to do anything. I trust my body to do all kinds of things that I never even though were possible.
So what did I do to change it?
I use pretty similar spiritual and mindset practices for all types of emotional healing. The problem I see in the loss community is that many women are exposed to these types of practices, but haven’t been taught to use them specifically for miscarriage recovery.
I have 5 tips for you from my spiritual toolbox tailored to body triggers.
5 tips for letting go of your body triggers:
1. Allow yourself to feel the pain of it. It’s counterintuitive, and it’s hard, but as much as you don’t want to, this is what is going to help you release it. Just sit still in a safe place, close your eyes and let the emotion move through you.
2. If you haven’t heard me talk about essential oils yet, you’re going to hear it a lot more. It was one of my tools by the time I had my third miscarriage and lately, I’ve been really diving into the impact they have on emotions. For a long time, I’ve known that each one has a physical impact on the body, but I hadn’t delved into the emotional component until more recently. Every essential oil has an emotional effect.
We think of lavender and associate it with calm. There’s actually a physiological reason for that: it reduces cortisol in the body. Cortisol is released when you get stressed, so when you reduce cortisol, you’ll feel calmer. The physical effect causes an emotional one.
You may be aware of how uplifting the citrus oils can be. But you may not know that each one has different effect on your emotions. Grapefruit oil can help you shift. It teaches true respect and appreciation for your body. It encourages a positive relationship with your body based on love, tolerance and acceptance.
3. Journal writing is always a go-to for me. I have two journal prompts for you: first, write a letter from you to your body telling it what’s going on in your mind. And second, write a letter from your body to you. What would your body say to you?
4. Forgive your body. If you stay angry at your body or resent it, it will experience stress. Your body feels what your mind tells it. See if you can bring some forgiveness into your mind and body.
5. Meditate. I have a special meditation that I’ll be sharing live on the next episode.
Rate, Review and Follow on Apple Podcasts!
If you found this episode valuable and supportive of your emotional journey after your loss, please consider rating and reviewing my show. By doing that, you’ll be helping other women just like you to find the comfort and support that they are looking for too. Click here to leave a review and follow!