You may not want to hear this right now, but I’m here to tell you that life doesn’t return to normal after a miscarriage.
This idea that “I just need to get through this” and then I’ll be myself again is, unfortunately, a myth. But we hear people say it all the time, right? I just need to get through this.
The mistake I see women making is buying into this myth that if they can just endure a few weeks or a few months of grief, then all will be okay. This myth that once you’re finished grieving, life is going to return to normal.
You’re not alone if you believed this myth. I did too. I was biding my time. Waiting to heal.
Little did I know that time doesn’t heal. And grief is not linear. There isn’t a beginning and an end to it. It comes and goes. You think you’re okay and then suddenly something trips you up. It can even be years later.
Why is it a mistake to keep pining for normal?
You miss the joy that might be happening all around you in this moment. You also miss out on the growth that this brings.
When I was pining for my old self, and pining for a baby, I was consumed by it. I wasn’t able to fully enjoy all of the beautiful things in my life. All of the good. And there was a lot of good. I just wasn’t able to notice it until I looked back on it.
There’s a line in a song by Leonard Cohen called Anthem. It goes, “There’s a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in”. When you hit rock bottom and are cracked open, that’s when the light gets in. There’s an opportunity to change. To grow.
You get to put yourself back together in the way that you want.
My life is completely different than before my miscarriages. At first I wanted it to go back to normal. Just to go back to the pre-miscarriage me. When I was innocent – ignorant – of what a miscarriage felt like.
It was the beginning of an emotional and spiritual journey that has changed my life entirely. I have new friends, new interests. I’m inspired every day. I’m happy every day. It’s what led to me being here in front of you, doing something I love.
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