Society tells us all kinds of things about pregnancy loss.  I’ve heard some of these words come out of my own mouth and cringed as I said them, as I knew deep down that they weren’t true.

When you believe these myths, it keeps you stuck in your pain.  Here are 3 myths that really resonated with me and when I stopped listening, I started healing:

Myth #1: Time heals all wounds.

How many times have you heard this in the weeks following your loss? I don’t believe it’s true.  I believe that over time, we bury our pain, we cover it up to the point that it’s barely even reachable anymore.  Sometimes we add alcohol, drugs, food or other vices.  All of it allows us to feel numb.  Over time, it allows us to carry on.  But time, itself, it does not heal. 

Healing your pain takes effort.  It requires you to take some action.  It means you have to FEEL your pain and release it.  It’s not easy, at least not at first, but it’s extremely liberating.  Once you begin to feel that freedom, it becomes addictive.  You’ll want to do more work.  You’ll want to release more pain so that you can feel free.  

Myth #2: Miscarriages should not be talked about 

I recently read something in a Facebook support group. A woman posted that she was told she shouldn’t have shared with anyone about her pregnancy, then she wouldn’t have had to tell them about her loss.  This one floored me.  Not telling anyone about your pregnancy in the first trimester is an idea that is floating around out there in society, but I had no idea there were still people out there saying the words out loud! 

What that statement said to this poor woman, is that no one wants to hear about her pain.  She should endure it on her own.  And that, is just plain shameful.

You need to talk about your miscarriage and I’ll tell you why.

Talking about your loss is healing. For both you and the listener. When you talk about it, you feel your pain and it can be released. The reason people don’t want to hear it is that it brings up their own pain, whatever that may be for them.  But when they feel their own pain, they can release it as well.  So talk about your loss.  Find someone who will listen without judgment and don’t worry about what the others say. 

Myth #3: Your miscarriage was somehow your fault 

After a loss, it’s human nature to look for a cause.  Even in the search for solutions to help prepare for the next pregnancy, we start to hear about diet, food sensitivities, exercise, stress – all the things that you could have done, or shouldn’t have done while pregnant. It’s easy to start blaming ourselves.

But the thing is, even if any of those things played a role (and it’s entirely likely that they did NOT), you didn’t know those things before.  Even if you knew them but didn’t believe them, it’s still not your fault.  Honour the level of knowledge you had while you were pregnant, respect where you were on your journey.  Begin affirming to yourself that it was out of your hands.  You can’t control it and in most cases, you’ll never know the true cause.

If you have more emotional healing to do or need help dropping your belief in these myths, here’s what you can do.  First, download my free meditation for releasing the pain of pregnancy loss. Next, join my private Facebook group where we can chat almost like you’re sitting with me in your living room. Then, join my 6 week program and let the deep emotional healing begin. 

Sheri Johnson